My Wish For You

My Wish For You

Last year, I wrote a letter to my past self, the one who needed guidance in a world she wasn’t sure she would make it in. This year, I want to write to the me right now, the one in practically the same place.

This is my wish for you.

I won’t pretend you’ve been okay for a while now. It’s so easy for me to give hopes for a happier life with this positivity that I can afford for anybody by myself. They say there’s such thing as toxic positivity. I don’t want to strangle myself with these expectations and comparisons of well-being that I might not be able to achieve right away.

So. These are my three hopes for you in this next year.

A voice. I’m sorry that you’ve learned there’s safety in silence. Even though you know it’s important to speak up, you’re still navigating the complexities of communication in this age. I hope you can learn to speak your truth with honesty and compassion and without the sacrifice of health and wellness.

Curiosity. That voice that nudges you to go off on the path not marked on your map, the way you’re most comfortable in unknown cities alone to explore untethered, the pull towards learning more that leaves you with 30 tabs open for half the night. You can’t learn anything new if you don’t ask. You can’t experience anything remarkable if you remain on the path. I think we’re due for another solo trip. Take a deep breath of the air we’re not acquainted with yet.

Life. This one I thought of as we blew out the candles today, my one clinging, desperate wish: I want not just to live, but to want to. You don’t have to get through each day with a list of accomplishments. You just have to get through them. Everything else will follow. Find your light and hold it close to you.

I won’t say you have all of these superhuman qualities or lovely personality traits, because I know that in the deepest depths of your darkness, you’d never believe me. But what’s undeniable is this: you are capable. You have made it through 100% of your worst days. You will continue to.

The me of now, the me of one minute from now, the me in my last moments, we will pull through. Together.

Love,

Myself

WWW Wednesday #11: November 20, 2019

WWW Wednesday #11: November 20, 2019

Hello friends! The formatting for this week might be a little wonky, as I’m writing this post from my phone. WWW Wednesday is a weekly tag hosted by Taking on a World of Words, in which you answer the following three W’s:

🌿 What are you currently reading?
🌿 What have you finished recently?
🌿 What are you planning on reading next?


This week has been a little different than most recent weeks and I’ve been reading less as a result of it. I’m still slowly getting through Crier’s War (sorry, Sarah & Ash!) and I also started Rules for Vanishing in hopes of another great spooky read.

I finished House of Salt and Sorrows this past week and wow. Wow. I didn’t think this would be a new fave going into it, but I’m so glad I was wrong!

In truth, I really don’t know! I just want to finish the books I’m currently in the middle of, at this rate.

That’s all for today! I hope everyone is having a wonderful and lovely week, and I’ll see you all next time!

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WWW Wednesday #10: November 13, 2019

WWW Wednesday #10: November 13, 2019

I can’t believe I’ve already been doing this for 10 weeks! WWW Wednesday is a weekly tag hosted by Taking on a World of Words, in which you answer the following three W’s:

🌿 What are you currently reading?
🌿 What have you finished reading recently?
🌿 What are you planning on reading next?

CurrentReading

I’m currently in the middle of a buddy read for Crier’s War which I’m behind in oh my god oops as well as House of Salt and Sorrows, which is due at the library tomorrow so I hope to be finishing it sometime today.

FinishedRecently

Two really anticipated reads that didn’t exactly live up to my expectations for different reasons… also, I haven’t read a contemporary in ages (or at least that’s what it feels like).

ReadingNext

shadows on the moon

Don’t quote me on this one, but the 24-hour Basically Readathon is this weekend, and since the theme is to pick the book that’s been on your TBR the longest, I was planning on picking up Shadows on the Moon. We’ll see, though. I don’t really understand my reading mood as of late.

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We’re at the middle of the month! How is everyone feeling? See you next time!

      xonikee1

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My Favorite Bookmarks (or things I use *as* them) 💗

My Favorite Bookmarks (or things I use *as* them) 💗

TTT-NEW

Top Ten Tuesday was created by The Broke and the Bookish in June of 2010 and was moved to That Artsy Reader Girl in January of 2018. It was born of a love of lists, a love of books, and a desire to bring bookish friends together.

This might be a little silly to say, but when I saw the topic for this week’s Top Ten Tuesday, I got super excited. I absolutely adore bookmarks. I firmly believe you can never have too many (just like you can never have too many books to read!) I usually do a Top 5, but this week I’m going to share 10 of my favorite bookmarks, or things I use instead of them when I just want a little smile.

10. McNally Jackson

Let’s start with a simple one! I got this at their Brooklyn location while visiting with my dad. Simple bookmarks like this are always trustworthy. I use them with my more worn-out books or my classics because they just have a certain feel to them, you know?

9. Green Apple Books

This store was recommended to my boyfriend and I by Ellias, and during our trip to San Francisco, we visited it the most out of any California bookstore we stopped at. These bookmarks are longer than most of my others, and they’re extra sturdy, too. I have about three of them (because we kept going back 😅) and I love using them and remembering one of my favorite cities in the world~

8. Bob Ross

I don’t have much to say, because I think Bob Ross speaks for himself. I saw this at Barnes and Noble and honestly, how could I not? I think this is the best bookmark to use for re-reads and favorites, because it brings you comfort all around.

7 through 4: These pretty illustrations

These bookmarks are actually from a pack of around 30 or 40. They’re illustrations of around Japan, and they give me such a sweet and cozy feeling! I gave some to my boyfriend and some to my best friend and hope it makes their reading much sweeter as well. The ones pictured are some of my favorites in the pack; I used the bottom bookmark in the second photo when I read Anne of Green Gables and I think it suited it so well and made the reading experience that much more pleasant.

3. A photocard

While not a bookmark, I’ve recently gotten into the habit of using photocards from my kpop albums. I usually put them up on my walk or in my journals, but it’s nice to have your bias with you when you’re reading a good book. Taeyong watched me scream through Ninth House 😆

2. A polaroid

This is actually where the photocard idea came from. I have a billion polaroids scattered around. I think they’re my most commonly used non-bookmark object for keeping tabs on where I left off. Sometimes I print out my own for the purpose of using them like this (which is what I did with this one).

1. A sprout!

This is, by far, my favorite bookmark in the world. I saw it in a Barnes and Noble on vacation once and immediately bought the pack. They’re so small, so cute, so very Taemin-like. Obviously they had to be mine. What I like about them is that there’s not just one way to use them; I prefer to use it like in the second photo, because the pages just spring open that way!

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What’s your favorite thing to use as a bookmark? Let me know, and I’ll see you next time!

      xonikee1

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Dear Ninth House: why did you do this to me

Dear Ninth House: why did you do this to me

I’ve started this post over and over but you know what? Here we are!!! Today I’m going to be talking about the book that completely caught me off guard: Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo.


Settle in with something cozy, folks

I remember hearing about this in passing sometime last year, thinking it was intriguing, and adding it to my goodreads tbr. All I’d really retained was that it was adult/new adult and that it was dark, and to be honest, that’s about all I needed. The only other LB book I’ve read is Six of Crows, and I know she’s quite a beloved author. I thought, why not?

Then BEA and BookCon rolled around, and everyone was rushing to get an ARC. I believe it was over the summer when the reviews and discourse rolled around — and boy were opinions mixed. Some people were saying it was incredible, some people were saying it was way too dark. There were discussions about the dark content present in the novel and backlash ensued over it, saying that it was done for shock value or asking why anybody would ever write a book that contained child abuse. In my opinion, it was blown way out of proportion. Leigh Bardugo handled these situations with care; it most definitely did not feel like it was written just for the sake of being written at all to me. There’s a lot to be said about the merits of dark content, but for now, I’ll just say that if you’d like to read this book, seek out a list of trigger warnings and proceed at your own risk.

Ninth House is about Galaxy Stern (Alex) who gets accepted to Yale on the condition that she join Lethe House, a group in charge of keeping Yale’s secret societies in check. Because these aren’t just any secret societies… they’re doing some powerful magic, and Alex may be in over her head.

While this is for fantasy lovers, it’s also for the broken and mended. Most of the dark content surrounds Alex and her past. She truly goes through some horrific things. What struck me the most was how Leigh not only allowed her to survive through it all, she let her thrive through it, too. Alex is angry and wants to watch the world burn, and Leigh helps by giving her a fucking flamethrower. It’s like that. While reading, I found myself literally cheering out loud for her, hoping for the best and waiting with bated breath at every turn.

The characters were super interesting. I wanted to learn more about all of them and peel back their layers to find out what makes them the way they are. I wanted to find out what pushed Alex’s boundaries, and I wanted to squish Darlington and make him uncomfortable with my unrefined personality (affectionately, of course!) He reminded me of a slightly older Gansey!

But maybe we should talk about where I disagree with other reviews. There were numerous complaints that the beginning was confusing and boring, and that it was overall hard to understand and get through. I’m not sure if it’s because I majored in English or because Leigh’s readers (myself included!) are used to YA’s writing style, but I didn’t feel that way at all. Sure, there were moments at the start where I thought “Wait, what’s happening?” But you know where else I felt that? Six of Crows. It wasn’t until maybe 150 pages or so that I got the hang of things, and I think the same can be said for Ninth House, probably even sooner. She throws you right in the middle of the world, and I think the best way to experience it is to just keep going. Stopping and re-reading, or reading too quickly and not taking anything in, or just continuously questioning small sections will almost positively ensure you’re left behind. This is how I was taught to read denser texts in school — don’t stop, just keep pushing!

I can’t say much as to whether it was boring or not at first; I personally didn’t think it was. Even though we were just getting to know the world, it was so much fun piecing things together and I was so intrigued to see where the story was going next.

Another reason reading this book was so great was because it was a buddy read! I read it with a group of people too numerous to name right now, so I’ll just call us by our group name, the Erection Party, or:

Screen Shot 2019-11-11 at 7.18.52 PM

It was so much fun being able to discuss scenes with them. We shared theories and experiences, had heartfelt talks about what it meant to be a survivor and see it play out on the page, and made a lot of jokes. I’ve never buddy read anything “officially” before, and I think it really enhanced the reading experience for me!

Since I’m not really into fantasy, and Six of Crows took me so long to get into, I was expecting to feel pretty in-the-middle about this book. But to my surprise, it contains everything I love, like ghosts and darkness and things I can’t really say here because they’re spoiler-y. All I’ll say is: that ending? This is going in a direction that is so incredibly up my alley, I can’t even believe I have to wait until 2021 for it. I unexpectedly adored this book!!

If you’re looking for a dark read that’s perfect for autumn/wintertime, I’d say give this book a shot! It could surprise you the way it surprised me~

Have you read Ninth House? If you have, was it what you expected?

   xonikee1

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